Why am I posting this? I really have no idea. I've learned the hard -the very hard- way that no matter what you do or what you say, people will always see you the way the want. You can be a total ass and still get respect. You can be a real life saint and still get beat up. It's useless, we might as well face the truth.
I always say how I am a bitch and there's no doubt about it. But maybe, you and I have a different understanding of the word. I'm not trying to be evil (well, maybe just a little). It's simply because I believe that people have potential that I become increasingly disappointed in them for not doing their best. I'm not a bully. I'm not a mean kid who believes they're better than everybody else.
Keeping that in mind, making friends is very difficult for me. That and the fact that I may very well be socially retarded. I have a total sum of five friends. And they're good people. I mean, really good people and I take pride in that they chose me to be their friend. I know how hard it is to be around me and I do my best to make it easier for them. I've been doing this all my life.
It took me twenty seven fucking years to end up with five freaking friends! Can you imagine that? And can you imagine how it makes me feel when one of them decides to walk away?
Word of the day: devastated.
3 claims:
Could have been worse, Lu. I'm 29,5 and I have even less...
I always lose them. They start being friends with.. each other and they just leave. Or suddenly they realize I'm boring. It always hurts.
For what it matters, I don't think you're a bitch. Were you a bitch you wouldn't care about friends lost and you know it. You are not a bitch by not believing in people any more. They hardly ever try their best.
I am always proud and even grateful of people talking to me, having me in their company. Even indebted.
and then they disappoint me and I feel like the worst person in the world without even having tried to be remotely bad.
I don't know what to say, because I REALLY know how you feel. I really do. I believe people should just try thinking more. But I get why they don't. Those who think usually have it worse. They are the ones left behind alone.
Would you rather leave or be the one that stays back? And how would you even choose to think like that when the situation arises? I always try to tell myself it's my fault. I should choose more understanding people to socialize with. But, then again, what of the never-ending doubt? WHat if they leave again...?
Sorry, I have the audacity of commenting on private matters, but sometimes people need the perspective of a mere spectator.
Wow. That's a proper manifesto. I guess I have issues, huh?
First of all, they're hardly private matters when I post them on my blog now are they??? :P
(The fact that I'm replying to this about 10 minutes later shows how much free time I have. Hmmmm....)
In general, it's a fucked up situation and I wish I didn't have to deal with it. But it's good to know somebody out there thinks the way I do about certain things. It's refreshing, to tell you the truth.
Some people don't appreciate opinions on their matters, even if they post about them online. I had to explain, I didn't know where you were standing on the matter :)
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