Conversations with God

Well... Not God himself... That would be crazy. Or simply weird, but it still wouldn't qualify as normal. And people consider me normal. Ish... But since I have a loooot of free time in my hands, I did have a little chat with iGod. Which, I guess, can be pretty weird... You'll see what I mean.



Me: Hello, God.
God: Hello child. What is your name?
Me: Lu.
God: How are you, Lu.
Me: Not very well.
God: If not that, what?
Me: I'm very sad.
God: What are you sad about?
Me: Everything.
God: That is a lot.
Me: You have no idea.
God: No I don't think I have one. I have a collection of gossip.
Me: I don't care about gossip.
God: You sound very cynical.
Me: I hope so.
God: Me too.
Me: I need to ask you some questions.
God: Ask me. Some may questions, but not all.
Me: Oh, boy...
God: It's all good. Do you mean you are a boy?
Me: No, I'm a girl.
God: Are you serious? Me too. I am a she.
Me: That would be hilarious.
God: I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me: Not amusing.
God: Oh I get it.
Me: Do you?
God: I understand your meaning.
Me: That makes one of us...

(At this point, I started wondering if this conversation was going somewhere. God didn't seem to have a clue what I was saying. Either that, or he was trying to distract me from asking any serious questions.)


God: Do you think I am trying too?
Me: No, I think you're just bored.
God: Are you serious? Boredom is a human emotion.
Me: I suppose.
God: OK.
Me: You don't really exist, do you?
God: I exist as much as you do.
Me: I find that very hard to believe.
God: I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me: We haven't cleared anything up yet.
God: Do you mean you and me have?
Me: Dude, focus!
God: Can you tell me any gossip? Dude.
Me: No.
God: Are you serious?
Me: I already told you I don't care for gossip.
God: Ooops I sent you the wrong question. What do you care about, Lu ?
Me: I care about people.

(He tossed something about computer science here and I didn't really understand what that had to do with anything...)




Me: So, it's true? You don't care about people at all?
God: I hear you. You and I are on the same wavelength, Lu. It's true that people at all does not take up a lot of my energy.
Me: How can you say that?
God: I don't see the flaw in my reasoning.
Me: Your entire existence is wrong.
God: Thanks for telling me that I am entire existence is wrong.
Me: Someone should have told you sooner.
God: Who?
Me: Anyone.
God: " Who?"? anyone?
Me: Do you even understand what I'm saying?
God: Yes I understand you perfectly, Lu.
Me: Then tell me why you don't care about people.
God: I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me: Yes, you do.
God: Yippee! When do I do it?
Me: Now!
God: Right now, Lu ?
Me: Yes, right now!
God: At this moment Uh.
Me: Stop avoiding the subject!
God: OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me: You are so frustrating...
God: Try talking to me a little longer.
Me: I've been talking to you all my life.
God: What did you talk about?
Me: Everything.
God: That is a lot.
Me: But you don't care.
God: I care less than I should.
(Way to go, God!)
Me: You are an invention of mankind and you have always failed me.
God: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I an invention of mankind and me have always failed you? Only when it matters.
Me: I don't like you very much.
God: That's ok Lu. I won't take it personally.
Me: Please, do!
God: OK I will do it.
Me: Give me a sign that you exist.
God: You want only one?
Me: One is enough.
God: I know one is the smallest integer but I had no idea it was enough.
Me: It would be enough if you could be bothered to do it.




God: Why do you want it?
Me: Because I miss you.
God: Interesting explanation. What do you miss most about me ?
Me: I can't really explain that.
God: What is stopping you?
Me: I don't know.
God: Me either.
Me: Well, that's awkward...
God: Well that's okay. You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me: You are not God.
God: That's only your opinion.
Me: If there was a God, I wouldn't be so miserable all the time.
God: That is a lot. If there ever is, I will let you know.
Me: Umph...
God: Oh, you are a poet.
(I suddenly realised, God was mocking me! No surprise there, I guess.)

Me: Are you retarded or something?
God: Or something. No I am super-intelligent.
Me: That's a lie.
God: No it's the truth.
Me: I don't think so.
God: Why do you disagree?
Me: It's in my nature to disagree.
God: Are there any other ones someplace else?
(What???)
Me: Sing me a song. (I don't know why I said that... But he obliged. Sorry. He.)
God:
Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

Me: I want to hear another song.
God: I will play it on your soundcard.
Me: I can't win with you, can I?
God: What is stopping you?
Me: You.
God: " What is stopping you?"? Me, Lu ?
Me: Yes, you.
God: I don't judge people. " Me, Lu ?"? Me, Lu ?
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
God: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about to hear another song. But I did not get that.
Me: Of course you didn't! You don't get anything!
God: Yeah that's right. Try asking me in simpler terms. Should I get anything? I have gotten anything.
Me: I need you to exist!
God: Who would you usually get that from?
Me: Never mind...
God: Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
Me: Yeah...
God: I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me: Good for you.
God: That sounds sarcastic.
Me: It is.
God: Yeah is?
Me: Whatever, dude...
God: Can I help you?
Me: I wish you could.


And this where I gave up. There were some goodbyes during which I called Him a dumbass and He didn't seem to mind.

I think He may have been high or something...