The shutters are always closed. Always. And the curtains always drawn. At some point in her life she has to make peace with sunlight. In the distant future, she can see herself standing in front of the window with her eyes open. But not today. The light is successfully locked outside and as soon as the dream begins -and she knows it's another dream- she wishes for light, hoping she doesn't have to open her eyes and face darkness, the material of illusions and melancholy.
It's not a proper nightmare this time, except it is. It's a memory, that's how she knows she's dreaming. She looks at her hands, resting on her lap and then out the window of the car. Looking to her right is not an option. She carefully avoids to even glance towards that side. It's a long ride and yet it seems too short. She could have gone at least another hour like that, looking outside, not talking, just breathing. Sometimes she curses her brain for having shown her all the possible scenarios, finally picking the one most likely to happen and yes, she knows how it will go. It's not about premonitions or a sixth sense at all. It's about knowing who the person sitting next to you is, it's about knowing how life works and it's about sucking it up and being an adult.
I've been here before and I didn't like it the first time either, she thinks. Perhaps I should try to wake up. It doesn't come as a surprise when she doesn't manage to wake up and she has to go through it again. The dream is very kind however, offering different angles from which to view the scene, as though it could soften the blow somehow. The lighting is the same as it was that day, curiously bright around the gloom. Nobody else seemed to notice.
She starts counting steps which is something she does when stressed. Not that it helps relieve the stress, it just happens instinctively, mechanically, much like blinking. This time however, she's counting someone else's steps. She doesn't like it, it's only making things worse but both her dream self and her mostly asleep real brain are counting in tune, like a creepy and extremely cruel duo. At least this will be over soon, she knows because the creepy voices are beginning to fade and, well... deja vu. Watching from somewhere above as the other her turns away and practically runs outside, she hums the way people do when they're in pain.
When she wakes up, she wonders why she can't get up and wants to go back to dreaming instead. It would be a stupid choice, she knows and she gets out of bed, resolved to ignore the heaviness in her chest for as long as possible.
(Exorcising my demons by means of very short stories.)
It's not a proper nightmare this time, except it is. It's a memory, that's how she knows she's dreaming. She looks at her hands, resting on her lap and then out the window of the car. Looking to her right is not an option. She carefully avoids to even glance towards that side. It's a long ride and yet it seems too short. She could have gone at least another hour like that, looking outside, not talking, just breathing. Sometimes she curses her brain for having shown her all the possible scenarios, finally picking the one most likely to happen and yes, she knows how it will go. It's not about premonitions or a sixth sense at all. It's about knowing who the person sitting next to you is, it's about knowing how life works and it's about sucking it up and being an adult.
I've been here before and I didn't like it the first time either, she thinks. Perhaps I should try to wake up. It doesn't come as a surprise when she doesn't manage to wake up and she has to go through it again. The dream is very kind however, offering different angles from which to view the scene, as though it could soften the blow somehow. The lighting is the same as it was that day, curiously bright around the gloom. Nobody else seemed to notice.
She starts counting steps which is something she does when stressed. Not that it helps relieve the stress, it just happens instinctively, mechanically, much like blinking. This time however, she's counting someone else's steps. She doesn't like it, it's only making things worse but both her dream self and her mostly asleep real brain are counting in tune, like a creepy and extremely cruel duo. At least this will be over soon, she knows because the creepy voices are beginning to fade and, well... deja vu. Watching from somewhere above as the other her turns away and practically runs outside, she hums the way people do when they're in pain.
When she wakes up, she wonders why she can't get up and wants to go back to dreaming instead. It would be a stupid choice, she knows and she gets out of bed, resolved to ignore the heaviness in her chest for as long as possible.
(Exorcising my demons by means of very short stories.)
