On the subject of children

One of my friends has 3 of those strange creatures called children. Another friend is trying to create one. I also have a friend who doesn't want any. I observe these people, my friends and their children or lack of. And I am trying to figure out what my position is on that subject. Do I really want what I think I want? Do I want it because I was I taught that I should want it or because science says I can't have it? Is there really a biological clock inside me which has started ticking? And if so, does it run on batteries I can remove?

Creativity or lack thereof and... other stuff

Lately I've been frustrated because I couldn't seem to write more than a few verses at a time. Verses which only made sense to me. I mean, symbolism is cool and all, but people should be able to understand pieces of your work at the very least, not stare at a poem or a story like it's written in an alien language. Feeling like shit didn't help, as you can imagine. I became desperate. I looked up "binaural beats".

Hello, Doctor!

Good news, everyone! We know who the new Doctor is! Will be. Is. Whatever. Big ball of wibbly wobbly...

Homo Sapiens, my sweet bottom!

(I don't even know how to begin...)

Ok, speech is important, we've mastered that. Opposable thumbs and walking on two legs? Check! Wearing clothes and not living in trees? Check! Buying useless things so we can rub our wealth in our neighbour's face? Check! Not throwing feces at each other during an argument? Check! We consider our species to be intelligent. So much so, that we've crowned ourselves kings, rulers of all other living beings, superior. We are, in fact, not.

On the importance of "no"

Seeing as I have trouble saying it, I am perhaps the right person to explain why "no" is so important. You see, in the mind of one who is so eager, so desperate to please others, saying no is a terrible thing to do. What if someone is offended by it? What if it makes them sad? But the thing is, you can't say yes to everything. Even if you do, somehow, manage it, there will still be people who won't be pleased. Because you can't please everyone. And that's fine.

Anger/Disappointment/I don't want to live here anymore

I fell

Both literally and metaphorically.

Not ok, K.

K. is one of the many doctors I've met in my life. She's also one of the doctors I kept seeing. Not very often, not as often as I should at least. The first time we met, she almost forced me into a panic attack. A lot has changed since then, I don't get panic attacks when I see her. I think it's her voice, she's changed it somehow. Made it softer. Perhaps she's doing it only for me but I'll never ask, so I'll never know the truth. We're getting along better now, that's the point.

No title (because I can)

Today is a good day. Not in a "woohoo, the world is mine for the taking, let's parteeeh, bitches!" way, but good. I stayed up last night, got a few hours of sleep this morning and when I woke up, my brain -silly brain- said it had a couple of ideas. What's odd is that they are ideas about a play. I don't write plays! I don't have a clue how to do that! But my brain has already set up the stage and the characters are waiting for me to give them lines.

The problem is I can't find a decent "How To", so if anyone has advice or a link to a proper guide or something, I'll be here, telling my characters to be patient. Anyone? Hmm?

Ah, yes, poetry!

When I'm feeling blue (which is an understatement in this case, because I've cried everyday of the past week and I see no signs of it stopping soon...) music and poetry helps. Well, sometimes it does. It hasn't helped through this particular phase but I'm getting there. Today (or rather, tonight) I have some of Sarah Teasdale's poetry for you. Lovely, lovely Sarah Teasdale has been keeping me company lately. Enjoy!

Heated conversations

It doesn't happen often because I try extremely hard to be calm whenever it looks like there's going to be a fight. If I can manage to remain calm long enough, the other person begins to calm down as well. Except some rare instances in which my calmness was perceived as apathy, this usually works rather well. I appreciate my friends and knowing how mean I can get during a fight, I do my best to abstain from screaming in their faces. It's the polite thing to do.

But sometimes, you have a bad day, you just don't want to discuss certain things and when someone talks to you as though you were a wee child, well... things get out of hand.

What a job

 

It's probably wrong to take pictures of random people in the street, especially if they don't know you're taking their picture or that you're planning to post said picture on your blog. But I couldn't resist. 

It was raining and he was lying under that car for such a long time... When he got up, he noticed I was looking so he smiled, a big bright smile and said "What a job!" which made me smile as well.

So, sir whose name I will never know, I'm sorry for taking your picture without asking and posting it on my blog, but I had to do it. I simply had to!

Help, I'm panicking

This is going to be real, real quick because I have to run.

I was planning on spending my entire day sitting on the sofa, possibly crying or just generally feeling blue, like I always do, but life had other plans. I got the call. My friend is in labour and she simply must have me there, waiting for her to come out of surgery. If we've been well informed, a baby boy will be joining us today and I don't know whether I'm excited or stressed or simply unstable. Those of you who know me well enough will agree that unstable sounds about right.

The truth is I'm not overly fond of babies. I mean, they're nice to look at and they're soft but when I'm presented with the opportunity to hold them, I freak out. Seeing as they are so soft and fragile, it's probably not the best idea to have me hold any of them. I break things. I haven't broken any babies so far but you never know. (Please, don't let them make me hold this baby!)

And the thing is... this baby may already be broken. We can't know for sure, not yet at least. I'm hoping he'll be just fine. In fact, I caught myself praying for him to be just fine and I'm not overly fond of praying either. If I can have my way, he's going to be perfect, despite his small size. And I'm going to admire him from the other side of the room and perhaps I'll think "Thank God for this" because I won't really know who to thank and then, I'll make a stupid joke and my friend will laugh and everything will be ok.

So if you're reading this, we need positive energy. Send some our way, if you've got any to spare!

Poems, poems, poems

Dorothy Parker

On the fondling of the brains

 
Although it doesn't happen very often, I've caught myself thinking -while talking to someone fascinating- how it would feel like if my brain could become intimate with theirs. The things they say are just so interesting that I can't help but want to touch that particular organ more than any other of their organs, and sure, in the literal sense, brains touching would feel uncomfortable at best, but you can't deny it! There have been instances when you felt like screaming "My brain wants to have sex with your brain!" and simply didn't. Maybe you felt it but didn't know how to say it without sounding absurd, maybe you didn't really recognize the feeling. Well, I'm that weird person who feels and says that sort of thing, which usually results to me being left alone with my weird ideas. But what can you do, right?

On love and crap like that

A dancing heart gave me a red balloon today and I wanted to die because people were staring at me, BUT I have a red balloon floating around in my kitchen as I'm writing this and that's freaking awesome! More balloons please!

February 14. It's the day of the year on which, someone decided, love should be celebrated. Once more, I tell you, if you can't celebrate love on any and every other day, you might as well give up and eat those chocolates alone. But I don't want to be the Valentine Grinch so, Happy Valentine's Day, bitcheeees! ;)

A bit repetitive, aren't I?

So, ok! I know I've said this before and my lack of confidence must be getting to you, people kind enough to follow and read my blog... But I swear, I mean it this time and I'm not going to second-guess myself again! Concerning the matter of writing at least.

Let's face it, I'm a writer. I tried really hard to deny the fact, tried to change it but nothing worked. Perhaps I'm not that great a writer but here's hoping that will change, in time! Instead of trying to run from myself, I'm going to do what I can to get my work published. Because, let me tell you, I'm tired of having to conceal that part of me, I've had enough. If you think it's funny, go ahead and laugh. I can't blame you. Hell, I may even join you! Let's all laugh at me!

Are we done laughing now?

I'm a writer. You won't hear me deny it again. And if you do, you have my permission to call me a jerk and slap me. Do we have a deal?