Creativity or lack thereof and... other stuff

Lately I've been frustrated because I couldn't seem to write more than a few verses at a time. Verses which only made sense to me. I mean, symbolism is cool and all, but people should be able to understand pieces of your work at the very least, not stare at a poem or a story like it's written in an alien language. Feeling like shit didn't help, as you can imagine. I became desperate. I looked up "binaural beats".

I could almost observe myself sitting at my desk and listening to hours of buzzing sounds, hoping I would feel a spark soon, a tiny morsel of inspiration would appear, surely! It didn't, of course. Except a minor headache which I can't really attribute to binaural beats, they did nothing else for me. Perhaps they work on other people but I was unaffected. My muse was making no effort to conceal that she was avoiding me and I was heartbroken. But, I told myself, you can't order a muse to come to you. Inspiration comes and goes as it pleases. Keep writing, even if you think the result isn't good enough, keep going and the spark will happen, sooner or later.

Which led to this afternoon. I'm going to say I was dragged out of the house because that's what it was, basically. My friends seem to have noticed that I've been ignoring phone calls and invitations but this one was having none of my bullshit. "You have two hours to get ready," he said and I couldn't help but obey. Long story short, we came up with a script for a short film. Not a complete script yet but we covered a lot of things before we finished our beverages. If we still like our ideas in the morning, we're going to go through with it. That means I'll be working on a film -however short- for the next few months. And you might get to see it! (Try not to choke on all the excitement.)

In other news, Russian lessons start next week, if all goes well and I'm not hit by a bus tomorrow. I've been saying I'll learn Russian for years. I hope the alphabet won't give me such a hard time but to be honest, the first time I tried writing English letters wasn't a huge success either so I won't give up. Hell, I haven't even started yet! I'll do great, just wait and see.