The Snowmen!

In case you need to be told every single time... THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE! BEWARE!

 

 Does it even need saying that when you see a face like this, you don't expect good things to happen? (I don't care if you're a villain, I still love you, Walter!)

 Well, hello there, Ebenez- umm, Doctor! Don't you look smart and bitter?

You're pretty, I'll give you that but you're really getting on my nerves, darling.

So, what do we have here? Talking snow. Hmm... If I was a kid in 1874, I would probably act the same way as Walter. Which means, I would either run away and cry and have nightmares until I turned 16, or I would stay and talk to it. I wouldn't do both. Snow doesn't usually talk and unless it had something extremely interesting to say, I wouldn't want to chat, I don't care whose voice it's using. (Sorry, Sir Ian!) But it's fine, since I'm not at risk of getting eaten by snowmen, I'll stick around.

Walter grows up to be Dr. Simeon, a perfect villain, as creepy as he should be and frankly, I was stunned by his cold expression which matched the theme of the episode perfectly. Still talking to snow, still lonely. That's a recipe for destruction right there. Sadly, not much was destroyed by the end of the episode. (Unless you count a few deaths but the Daleks killed more people in The Parting Of The Ways, so colour me unimpressed.) Dr. Simeon and his friend, the snow, are plot-plot-plotting and I'm anxiously waiting for the carnage, please!

Enter Clara, the waitress. Bar maid? Wench? Whatever. As fate would have it, Clara spots a weird snowman and a weird man and because she's clever, curious and special, just like a fucking snowflake, she decides to follow the man and question him about the snowman, his outfit, his long legs, his pretty eyes and more importantly, his name. *sigh*

 

Moffat, Moffat, Moffat... Didn't we talk about this? Didn't I warn you not to use that joke again? Why must you be such a massive prick? It's perfectly fine to toss those two words around, every once in a while, but there's a thing called abuse and you're FUCKING DOING IT! You have to stop! No, you must be stopped! If I was a trained ninja, I'd be hanging from your ceiling right now, trying to figure out a way to stop you from ever using the title of the show as a "witty" line again! Damn it, Moffat! I'm hoping this is the only stupid thing in the entire episode. Fingers crossed.

After the mention of someone's death which seems irrelevant at that point but will surely become a point of major interest, a very well dressed Silurian lady and her wife ambush Dr. Simeon, in order to find out more about THE SNOW! I admire their politeness and... Oh, god. Was that...? No, it couldn't be. The great detective? Are you...? Moffat, are you hinting at Sherlock? *exasperated sigh*

And as if that wasn't enough, Dr. Simeon thinks winter is coming. Where have I heard that before? It's probably just a coincidence. Let's just move on, because the evil doctor seems to have big plans!

I am very fond of Strax and his obsession with grenades. I would like to see what he can do as a permanent companion. But the way the Doctor treats him, I doubt he would be inclined to claim a spot in the TARDIS as his own. Strax is one of the best written characters so far, especially compared to the gay couple, whose interactions scream that they're not in love at all; they're just co-workers who decided to get married as a way to pass the time. If you're going to introduce us to a gay couple, they can at least hold hands, instead of simply standing next to each other and declaring their marital status!

The Doctor behaves like an ass, informs Clara that she will remember nothing of their encounter because he will use the memory worm on her, she doesn't feel the least bit scared or overwhelmed or anything, Strax proves to be slightly useless, the "Doctor who?" joke again... Ah! Snowmen attack and we are told that if we wish real hard, we can make them go away, yes, we can! The Doctor decides to let Clara go without wiping her memory and sends her on her way but... She follows him and finds out where he parks his car! There's a magical, invisible staircase which leads up into the clouds and there, in the middle of all that white, stands the blue box. And it's beautiful.

One might think that after going up those stairs, the fair lady would do more than just knock on the door, play a bit of hide and seek and then, climb back down without being seen. I know I would. I would demand to be allowed inside. (Then again, I would also be wearing a coat. You're in England and there's snow, Clara. Aren't you freezing?)

And when morning comes, Clara leaves the bar/tavern/I don't care, in order to go back to her normal job as a governess, which is a big secret because no one would believe her if she said that's her job. Why wouldn't they believe her? It's not like she's a ninja. I bet they would believe her just fine!

The plot thickens as we find out that Clara works for the man who informed us about the death of that lady earlier. Remember? Well, Clara has taken the dead lady's place, the children love her, her boss loves her and she's generally lovely. The daughter of the family tells her about her nightmares, which consist of the previous governess who drowned in their pond, telling her she's going to be punished and that she's coming to geeeeet heeeeer! Wanting to help the child, Clara checks the pond and tries to find the Doctor and ask for his assistance but instead, she's taken to see the Green Lady who is willing to answer her questions. If Clara can only ask or answer anything using only one word. That is a test, set by the Doctor himself apparently and Clara passes it with flying colours because when she's asked to explain in one word why the Doctor should help her, she says "pond". Oh, for fuck's sake...

 

 And just like that, the Doctor decides to step in and save the day. I'm desperately waiting for him to make his move, at the edge of my seat! Then, this happens.

 

This is what I did. I let out a little yelp of frustration and paused the video. I facepalmed and thank the gods my friend was on Skype, so I could tell him this: "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! (There were many more O's.) Fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck! (So eloquent and polite, I am!) Fucking Moffat!" And some other stuff. I was deeply disappointed by this. Deeply. 

The Doctor talks to the... talking... snow... which isn't actually snow but looks like it, he finds out a few things and then goes off to crack the case. The villains and the good guys gather around the house where Clara works (I can't for the life of me remember the name of her boss...) and the drowned governess comes back to life as an ice sculpture. She's no Weeping Angel but she is creepy enough.

Dr. Simeon needs the ice governess so that he can create a breed of ice people which is a bad thing. We don't want that to happen. The Doctor and Clara try to lure the ice governess away from the bad guys, but not before they've kissed. (Am I crazy to want a companion who isn't in love with the Doctor? Enough already!) While running and having the monster chase them, the Doctor takes Clara into the TARDIS. And it's beautiful.

(Even though I like the new console, there was no need to redecorate so soon. Or is that what's going to happen each time a new companion arrives? I hope not.)

The Doctor gives Clara the key to the TARDIS. (Hey, I want one too!) She is moved by the gesture, since it's the most amazing thing that has ever happened to her but suddenly, the ice monster grabs her and before the Doctor can do anything, she falls to her death. (Images of people falling off roofs are flashing inside my head. Why is that? Hmm...) The monster breaks and the same should have happened to Clara, but since we can't have people actually die, she is brought back to life -for a little while longer- with the use of a thing that is beeping and flashing and looking very sci-fi in general. Barely able to breathe, Clara agrees to run away with the Doctor, if he manages to save the world. (Somewhere, in a different century perhaps, River is crying her eyes out.) Madame Vastra and the Doctor trick Simeon, hoping that by stopping him, the Snow will be defeated, since it's only mirroring Simeon's thoughts. But that's too easy, isn't it? Well, the snow certainly thinks so. 

 A frozen zombie and "winter is coming". How original.

Simeon becomes a zombie/puppet and the snowmen outside start growing in size, the Doctor is puzzled and it looks like the world is doomed! In a house nearby, Clara has only moments to live and tells her boss that he should hug his children, since they won't have a governess to hug them anymore. (Silly girl. They will hire a new one. You're not the last governess in the whole of England, you know!)The snow turns into rain. Except it's not rain, it's tears. The impending catastrophe is averted because a family is in tears, and their emotions are so powerful that the snow can't help but mirror them and be destroyed. Yay, love wins, yay.

Standing over Clara's grave, the Doctor finally makes the connection between Victorian-Clara and Dalek-Clara, souffle girl. And he runs off to find her. End credits.

I was not happy with this episode. I liked bits and pieces of it but as a whole it was very disappointing. Love/emotion conquers all is a bit boring a way to solve every predicament. The Doctor was an extra in his own show. Clara is just another Amy and you know it! The story was interesting but not as captivating as it could or should have been. Dear Mr. Moffat, you're obviously doing something wrong. Could you, please, stop? Sincerely, Lu. P.S: You suck.