I really like blaming Harry for everything!

And I will now demonstrate just how much I like doing that. (Granted, not everything is his fault but he's my scapegoat of choice and in this case, who else could I blame really?)

I'd refrained from watching "Thor" -despite my extreme love of any and all superhero movies- because my sister had mentioned it to me SO MANY TIMES, I thought my ears would bleed. A stupid reason, you may argue and I won't disagree. But it seemed valid. Her drooling over Chris Hemsworth's abs didn't help change my mind. If anything, it made me even more determined to postpone watching that particular film, because abs are never a factor on which I would judge the quality of a movie.

Happily going on with my life, I managed to forget all about Thor; there were many other superheroes to keep me occupied. Not a thought in my mind about it! Until recently, when Harry said simply "Why haven't you seen it yet?". Since I couldn't remember the reason and having nothing better to do, I finally watched Thor. Sealed my doom, I did! Who cares about Hemsworth -I thought- just look at that villain! Look at his madness! Yes, I did it again! I developped a crush on the villain! (How come I still find that surprising?) In my head, Loki/Tom Hiddleston equals perfection. And as you must have realized, that is Harry's fault! I am now waiting for him to get his ass to Athens, so we can go see The Avengers, where I will squee like a teenaged fangirl! (On another matter, are the Avengers trying to stop Loki from ruling over our planet? Why would we not want that to happen???)

Because I cannot wait until then though, I had to watch another movie. Why did I choose one that broke my heart when I could tell right from the start that it would actually BREAK MY HEART? (Because I'm an idiot. Moving on...) "The Deep Blue Sea" *sigh sigh sigh* in which the wife of a British Judge is caught in a self-destructive love affair with a Royal Air Force pilot. I should have stopped watching when Freddie stormed out... I told myself to stop watching but I wouldn't listen! (I can't blame Harry for this and yet, I will!) It is now 3 in the freaking morning and I'm crying my eyes out. Damn you, Hiddleston! Damn you and your brilliance and your smile! But most of all, damn you, Harry and the distance between us which doesn't allow you to be here already, watching The Avengers with me!!!

(Gosh, I love you Rachel Weisz! You look so perfeeect!)

By the way, "The Deep Blue Sea" was a wonderful movie and you should seriously consider watching it, especially if you are a woman who enjoys romance and drama. For what it's worth, I think men can enjoy it as well, but I'm picturing a certain man (*cough* Stavros *cough*) whose reactions would turn it into a comedy and you're not aiming for comedy when you choose this film. Excellent, excellent film though!

Poetry? Poetry.

Remember by Christina Rosetti

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad. 

 

 

 

 

Future husbands- Number 3

It wasn't long before I realized that I never fancied human men. Never is a strong word of course, so let's make it, almost never. I almost never fancied human men. Why is that? Maybe it's because human men were everywhere around me all the time and therefore, lost their charm. I seriously doubt that was the real reason however; I, quite simply, was a weird kid and I turned out to be a weird adult as well...

Number 3 on my list: Goliath the Gargoyle. Goliath hatched in 938, possibly in Scotland and through a series of magical events, ended up in Manhattan in 1994. He was the leader (What a surprise! Another leader! Who would have thought!) of his clan of gargoyles, sworn to protect their castle and later on the humans of Manhattan. A regular badass, strong and ready to do some real damage. But at the same time, compassionate, kind and possessing a strong sense of justice. (And also, one more thing that has only recently come to my attention, a very sexy gaze! The way he looks at Elisa Maza sometimes... *shivers*)

Like all the good guys who simply happen to look different, he was betrayed by humans on more than one occasion. Did that make him go bitter and medieval on their asses? No! That's why he gets a 10 out of 10 score! He's a perfect combination of muscle, wit and emotion. He is also the best bodyguard, if you happen to be one of those types that don't exist during the day and only come out at night. Which I am.

Things he said that made me squee in excitement:

- No. Gargoyles protect. It is our nature. Our purpose. To lose that is to be corrupt. Empty. Lifeless.
(To Demona, episode: Reawakening)

- Only you would regard love as a weakness.
(To David Xanatos, episode: Eye of the Beholder)

-I do not want escape, I want vengeance!
(To Demona, episode: Hunter's moon)

Blowing off some steam

(You don't have to read this if you don't want to. It's just me, metaphorically yelling some things at people who don't have the slightest idea about how much they frustrate me. I have told them nicely, I have literally yelled at them, the only thing that's left for me to do, is actually draw them a picture of myself, erupting like a volcano. Maybe then they'll figure it out.)

Number 1:
You are always being a little bitch about how nobody asks your opinion before doing something but let me tell you, you are the master of doing that very thing! Not everything in the household revolves around you and your plans. We don't need to ask you before inviting someone over, the same way you never asked us. So get over it! (And also, most of your friends are jerks. Having them around is not a pleasure. We've had to bite our tongues many times and I, personally, would be a happy individual if I never saw their stupid faces again.)

Number 2:
Stop calling me. I don't have much to say to you. Just stop.

Number 3:
I hate having to kick you out of my house but I see no other way of stopping your constant criticism. I am not you. I do things differently. If you could get that in your head, we would get along just fine. Really, I love you but you make me soooooo mad!!!

Number 4:
Did I mention that I'd like you to stop calling me?

Number 5:
Your obsession with going to the doctor is starting to look very much like, you know, an obsession. I fucking sneezed! I don't need to see a doctor to tell me I'm allergic to spring! Why don't you go to the doctor? Ask him to take a close look at your brain? I think it may be malfunctioning.

Number 6:
I am NOT, I repeat, NOT pregnant!

Number 7:
Seriously, stop calling me.

6 days and counting

Was it something I ate? Have I got the flu or something? Is my liver finally giving up on me? I don't know what it is but it's fucking annoying! Seriously, nausea, this isn't working. I have things to do! Go away!

(No, dad! I'm not pregnant so please, please, please, stop grinning! I'm sick enough as it is!)

Identity and Names

A few years ago, I chose the name "Lu" as my signature. There's nothing wrong with my given name, in fact it's very beautiful and I like it very much. It simply isn't a name people write songs about. Not that "Lu" is. But I chose it. I used it as nickname, signed it under my poems or other "literary" works and I've even heard people say it but not to address me, just rolling it around their tongues, to see how it feels. Some of them even said that it sounds good, that they like it. But no one called me that. And that's okay, I guess. Fine by me. Because I don't really mind, not really. Despite the fact that I didn't choose it, I will always answer to my given name. Always.

But a friend called me Lu the other day and it was shocking. No one had ever done that! I was walking -no, fleeing! I was running away from a crowd because I always run away from crowds; I can't breathe when there are too many people around and just how fucked up is that? (Oh, how very poetic!) And I couldn't think straight because their voices created a buzz so unbearable, I thought blood might come out of my ears! I was feeling dizzy, focusing on my feet, to make sure that they were working properly and carrying me out of the building, into the night, into the dark, away from all those people that I found so intimidating! And then I heard it.

I didn't stop though. I thought my ears were playing tricks on me. Nobody EVER says that name, not to me, not to acknowledge me as Lu. So I kept going. And he said it again. And I had to stop. I'm sure he didn't know how much it meant to me, saying that name, calling me by it but the second time I heard it, I wasn't as scared by the crowd anymore. Because I couldn't lose my self inside it, because I had an identity and he made me understand that. (My agoraphobia wasn't magically cured, of course but I'll take what I can get.) When I turned to look at him, he kept talking, as if he hadn't said something important just then. And he hadn't really. He had called me by my name and that's a simple thing, mundane, dull. Except it isn't.

So let me tell you about Lu. She's honest, cruelly honest most of the time and people think she's just being a bitch. But she isn't. She is loving and caring and if you give her time, you will find a true friend in her, even though earning her friendship is not an easy task. Sure, she's dysfunctional in many ways but she has good qualities, maybe less than her flaws, but enough to make up for them. If you don't want to waste your time on her, she will be slightly hurt but she can live with that. Because she has words. Words that float inside her head, all the time and as long as she has that, she doesn't need anything else. Despite her kindness, you shouldn't attempt to cross her. Because she will never forgive you. And words being her superpower, she can devastate you with a sentence, a single sentence that you would have never thought could do much damage but she was never foolish enough to underestimate the power of words. And she writes. It doesn't matter what she writes as long as she does. As long as she never stops.

She will never willingly hug you, never attempt to kiss your cheek and never hold your hand when you need it. But she will always find the right thing to say, even if it takes her a little longer than most people. And you should listen to her advice. She gives great advice which she never follows. Do you know how easy it is for me now, to say "I am Lu"? Just because someone let the name roll around his tongue. Not to see how it sounds, how it feels, how it tastes... Not to mock me with it! But because -or so I think- he saw Lu in me, without me having to explain who she is. Who I am.


(All that drama... And for what? Because you said my name. Thank you!)


Have you ever thought about how much power a name holds? Whenever someone calls you Helen or Sarah or Peter or whatever your name might be, do you stop to wonder who that person is? Because I do. And I find it magnificent! How there can be seven Peters in a room and not one of them is the same as the other, despite their names! They are all Peter but they're not! (Does that make any sense?) And maybe there's a Jim inside a Peter, or a Peter inside a Sarah or a Helen inside a Sarah and no one will ever know! But I hope each one of them knows who they are inside because I've lived without a sense of identity for so many years and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.