Writer's Log: Day 7

Happy? Should I say I'm happy? I think I am. Writing did that to me. It's very, very hard but since I decided to really give it my best (which still may not be good enough), I've been more at peace with... Well, everything. I rarely get mad at people, I go through the day without hating myself, I made it to chapter six (not finished yet though)! Also, chatting and meeting with people who understand me and are, actually, interesting and intelligent helped quite a lot. (You know who you are! :P)

I've decided I won't kill Andy. He's much too nice and frankly, I kinda love him. I know he's fictional, I'm not crazy! But it's very comforting to write him. Andy will survive then. Unless the story evolves differently. Which, I hope, won't happen.

An old love of mine made contact recently. He hasn't said anything, just a facebook friend request and that's that. I can't believe how good it felt though! Yes, I remember that he broke my heart once but I'm pretty sure I broke his, as well. And I'm also certain that, in a way, the young girl I was once, is still in love with him. I kept his poems, after all. I wonder if he kept mine?

Writer's Log: Day 6

Should I kill Andy off? I don't know... He's a lovely character. (I wish someone would think I was lovely...) I don't really want him dead but the idea won't leave my mind. It wouldn't be a spectacular death either. Maybe an accident or something. But it would be devastating and poetic and I would miss him so...

I woke up with a horrible migraine and couldn't drag myself out of bed until around 15:00... Another day wasted. The story of my life. Perhaps, I should kill Andy. Why should he get to have all the fun I don't? Damn it, Andy! Stop being so adorable!

Yeah, sorry 'bout that...

I, honestly, wanted to write about something serious and thought-provoking today. I tried. I really did! But it wasn't meant to be. So, here you go. A few pictures of London. Which I love. Madly. Not to mention that there's a VAN MORRISON concert there in June 29. But I won't go. Sad...

Writer's Log: Day 5

Writing was easy until yesterday. Now, I'm stuck. My heroes won't work with me, their lines and reactions don't come as easily and their emotions are a mess. Just when I think they're working things out, they surprise me by doing something completely stupid. Why don't I control them, you say? If I did that, I would end up writing myself and not them. I let them do as they wish and maybe, just maybe they will eventually decide to humour me. I believe they will. They're nice guys. I enjoy writing them!

Also: am I beautiful today? I feel beautiful... This is so confusing.

Happy WHAT Day???

Let me explain that I don't hate this particular day, nor am I fond of it. I feel equally bothered by it whether I'm single or not. Not single, currently, and I'm already extremely annoyed by the countless wishes for a Happy Valentine's Day on both Twitter and Facebook! To be fair, I generally don't enjoy being wished a happy ANYTHING. Ever. It's one of my quirks and some people find it interesting instead of obnoxious.

VDay, in my opinion, is not only a vicious scheme to make people spend money on pink stuff that will, eventually, pile up in the attic but also, a stupid trend which doesn't seem willing to fade, in spite of the vast amounts of people opposed to it. Now, I'm not ashamed to admit that as a youngster, I too, have fallen victim to this day's insanity. It's only natural for the impressionable adolescent's mind to succumb to the general idea that love should be celebrated and demonstrated on a certain date, instead of, every day, constantly, all the time, even if it wears you out! I am a great supporter of the all-consuming love, the kind that is almost painful and makes you want to swallow up your loved one, devour him/her completely and let yourself be devoured by them! I believe in the love that burns you, chews you up and spits you out! And this kind of love has no place in a world where chocolates and teddy bears are offered as a token of it. This kind of love, REFUSES to take part in VDay's celebrations.

Nonetheless, not wanting to be a total buzzkill, I have decided to share with you, my most favourite lovesongs of all time. Be warned, they are mostly about unrequited or lost love! If you can't stand it, avert your eyes(and ears).



I've been listening to this song for about two days now. My ears aren't bleeding and I'm not bored. This means it's a good song. Enjoy!




I love how this song implies that there can be some sort of grace in a break-up, despite the pain and anguish! I've only had one of those but that's simply because most of the guys I've broken up with, were jerks and couldn't give me a good enough reason for breaking up with me. Mind you, when I break up with someone, I'm the embodiment of grace and dignity. Brilliant, I am!




Maybe this one shouldn't be here, mainly because I don't like blowing my own horn. I made this video, you see. Shot and edited by yours truly! A cover song by my mate, George ! A wonderful song which describes exactly how I envision the notion of love. I mean, to the dot!




Van Morrison is a god! I have nothing else to add to that.




Do I really have to explain myself?






This last one, isn't one of my favourites but there's a very good reason why I chose to include it here. You see, my best friend Laura is now officially engaged and this is my way of saying "Congratulations" without having to face her and make her feel uncomfortable by my own awkwardness on the matter of engagement and marriage and all that. We will meet later in the week, of course but for now...

Laura, you've found a good man to give your hand and heart to. He will make you happy. (Because, you know, if he doesn't, I will kick his ass!) You will make him happy too, you can't help but be a source of joy for the people around you. I've known you almost all my life and even though I suspected this day was coming, I wasn't really prepared for it. I'm shocked, really! I feel as though a part of you will be taken from me and that's a little bit sad but at the same time, I know you will be taken care of, you will be safe and loved for the rest of your life and that's wonderful. Always remember that I love you, although I hardly ever say it and I wish you all the best.
P.S: Don't cry!


As for the rest of you, celebrate love every day. Let it consume you. Let it be the most important thing in your lives. Let it move you and inspire you. Or else, don't even bother with it.

Antisocial

More than once, I have said that I am socially awkward, to put it mildly. If I want to be completely honest though, what I suffer from is a type of social retardation which of course, isn’t half as cool as the Asperger Syndrome. I attended a seminar about it and even though I seem to have many of the “symptoms”, I, sadly, can’t call dibs on that particular syndrome. I’m sure that in the future, scientists from all over the world will start killing each other, over a chance to study me first, but for now, I’m just considered antisocial. Which isn’t such an awful thing, if you ask me but it can become quite frustrating, once you start insulting the people you care about with your unacceptable behaviour. When you combine this wonderful quality with my natural shyness, disaster ensues.

Is that one of the reasons why I can never find the right thing to say at a funeral or other such amusing events? Or is it a virus that causes my linguistic and thinking skills to malfunction and even break down altogether, to the point where people just stop calling me and caring about what I have to say? A certain friend of mine -I have so very few of those- kindly explained to me that I’m simply too sincere and uninhibited and that scares people away. He also said he finds my character very charming. And to top that, he said he’s always thought -get ready to be shocked- that I... am... cool! To which I replied “I resent that statement”, thus proving how much of a twat I am. Learn to take a compliment, why don’t you?

Which brings me to another point... I have mastered the skill of making compliments. My compliments can be so elaborate, I can actually see stars twinkling in people’s eyes and little hearts floating around their heads! It’s only that my compliments are rarely heard by human ears because I admire things that others may consider odd. Such as intellect and logic. Brutal honesty... That’s about it (maybe not, I don’t know...). And eventhough my compliments have the remarkable ability of blowing metaphorical socks off, I can never take one (Compliment, not sock. Obviously.) with the grace that befits my gender. Whenever someone would tell me how pretty I looked, I would raise my fist and be ready to launch an attack. “Is that your idea of a joke? Do you think you’re being funny?” Comments such as this one, tend to make people think you are a bit insane...

On paper (and/or computer screen) I am very eloquent and funny and peope like me. In face to face situations, I suck. I forget most of my excellent vocabulary and nod or when I absolutely must speak, I form the shortest sentences. This, instantly, tags me as either a snob or an idiot. But I’ve come up with certain techniques which seem to confuse human beings, as if they were deer presented with the strange sight of headlights! I hardly ever use them anymore but I’m sure there are others like me out in the world. ;)

-Never forget to smile. Even when you think the person talking to you, already knows that you’re smiling inside.

-Memorise a couple of jokes. It creates the idea that you are funny, even if you aren’t.

-Memorise more than a couple of useless trivia. If no one in your company has ever heard of them before, you come off as interesting and cultured. If someone has, they will believe you have things in common.

-Laugh at jokes. Don’t overdo it though. It might make you look stupid. You can refrain from laughing, if there are, at least, two more people who are not laughing. That means the joke was really bad.

-Dance. When there’s nothing someone can tell you that you may find remotely interesting and there’s a dancefloor nearby, just dance.

-Have a drink. It will help you relax. ONE drink is usually enough. You don’t want to be too relaxed.

-Keep a friend close. It will make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. If it all goes to shit, you can find comfort in your friend’s company. (Important: Imaginary friends don’t have the same effect.)

"I've gotten better at not making people feel uncomfortable with my shyness." Clea Duvall
Maybe not yet, but soon.

Writer's Log: Day 4

Once more, I neglect life in order to write seriously. So far, I've missed sleep, meals and a couple of phone calls. I've been writing for about five days and am up to seven pages! It's supposed to be this hard, I know... But it's frustrating.

And as far as disturbing dreams go, I think I had my worst so far. I dreamt that my house had been broken into. It felt so real! I keep hearing noises since then (It's called life, other people have it while I'm cowering in the kitchen like a tiny mouse)...

Also, I am being more active on Twitter (still getting the hang of it) and just a few minutes ago, I realised that I can be funny if I want to. Other than that awful dream, it's been a good first half of the day...

*Embrace insanity*

Mousehole, Cornwall

I'm researching this beautiful place in order to include it in my story? Novel? I don't know... But it's lovely and it seems to me that it would be a great setting for my literary endeavours. So, if you've ever been there, as a tourist or even better, lived there, give me some information that could help! Thanks a bunch! :)
(I already know about the Christmas lights thingy. Anything else?)

Stop it!

Ok, so.. The BBC announced that the Doctor will be getting more than twelve regenerations. Why are you freaking out??? I accept the fact that the limit of regenerations has been set in the classic series but there's nothing wrong with the show adapting a little, according to the wishes of many of us. After its success, is it that much of a surprise really? I don't believe this small change will wrong the show in any way. Seriously, I don't see it. How much damage could it possibly do? What if the limit had been set to five? Would you have gladly missed the next Doctors, simply because of a minor detail that IS NOT SET IN STONE?

(I miss you...)

If you really want to get technical, try to remember my favourite rule of all times "The Doctor lies". And he does so, brilliantly.


P.S: Extra regenerations don't equal immortality. That would elevate the Doctor to the level of god, instead of the semi-god he is currently.

Human Nature: Death

What separates us, humans, from the animals (without it meaning that we are better than them, in ANY way) isn’t the ability to speak. (I, personally, believe that some people might be better off barking anyway; when they open their mouth, I’m filled with such fear of what may come out, it’s tiresome.) We may think ourselves superior to any other living thing for various reasons but what really distinguishes from them, is one of our greatest flaws: our understanding of death. I have never seen a bird or a lizard, contemplate about its own mortality. What use would it be to them really? Aren’t they happy in their ignorance? And why shouldn’t we be just as fortunate?

Do you ever stop and think that every single thing you do in your life, is nothing but an effort to defeat death? Your entire existence is governed by the instinct of survival. Breathing, eating, having sex, working... Everything. Now, isn’t that simply depressing? Wouldn’t you rather be a dolphin? I would rather be a dolphin because, a)they live in the sea (How awesome is that?), b) they are very, very clever and c) their sexual behaviour is very similar to that of humans. Yeah, dolphins are great.

When I wonder why I am so obsessed with becoming a writer, death comes to mind. You see, despite my obvious superiority to other people(I dare you to argue with that. I dare you!), I am quite as normal and plain as everybody else. I would love to live forever but being aware of human nature which, sadly, provides us all with an expiration date, I can’t. Succeeding in having my work published would mean, I have made my mark in this world, thus providing myself a tiny slice of immortality. I am not deluded enough to believe I could go down in history, alongside Shakespeare, Plath and many others as talented as them. But it would be nice.

Another, very popular, way of making sure you will live on, is having kids! And making them is quite fun too! And I sincerely believe this to be the ONLY reason people decide to have children. So that they can leave a trace of their genes behind. I don’t deny love is involved, as well. I can almost see a brain cell or two, screaming at me to “go forth and multiply”, though. Because otherwise, kids and me? Nah... I much prefer the company of my lovely cat. Sometimes I dream about having ONE child, when I’m older. But then I feel bad about it. It would be an ugly little sod and if he or she, actually took after me, I would be in a world of pain!

Other than a few terminally ill or seriously depressed people, I haven’t heard of anyone wanting to die. I doubt my grandmother sat in her armchair that fateful morning, took a bite of her cookie and thought “Why don’t I just die? Like, right now?”. And I don’t have a deathwish either. Do you? It would be safe to say that death, as a notion doesn’t scare me as much as it used to. What I’m terrified of is dying alone. What if, seconds before you die, you realise it’s happening and when you look around, there is no one to hold your hand? Or give you a sympathetic look? Not even that really. Someone just, being in the background, watching tv, would suffice!

But to be completely honest with you, even that doesn’t rank so high on my list of horrible things that could happen. I think that, being human, I may become so absorbed in my very natural (although mild) fear of dying that I will somehow, forget to live.

“Thanatos: Those who could afford to buy a late death would buy it then.

Apollon: I see. Are you determined not to do this for me?

Thanatos: I will not do it. And you know my character.

Apollon: I know it: hateful to mankind, loathed by the gods.

Thanatos: You cannot always have your way where you should not.”

Euripides, Alcestis 19 ff (trans. Vellacott) (Greek tragedy C5th B.C.)